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The day I
selected my classes was one of the strangest, most memorable
emotional experiences of my life. I was
standing on the upper level of the campus, looking down from the
top of the brick stairs at the two gymnasiums at the bottom.
A very strong feeling came over me, a sense of familiarity.
"I've been here before. I stood right here on this
very spot before. I recognize it. Why was I feeling this
way?"
Over the next
year six years, the hundreds of times that I I used
those stairs, I would still frequently pause at the top for a
moment and wonder, why the spot seemed so important to me.
It was many
years later, I had earned two degrees from UCLA, married a
classmate and had children when I shared that memory with my
mom.
She paused and said solemnly, "I can tell you why. You
were there before. Your dad had taken us for a Sunday
drive. We went to UCLA. It was a fairly new campus.
We were standing at the top of those stairs. You were
about four. (1937) You had not started school yet.
You very quietly and matter-of-factly said to your Dad and me, 'I
am going to graduate from here.' I didn't even know if
you knew what the word meant."
I would have said it in Spanish because that's all I spoke at
the time.
UCLA Opened
in 1929, Janss steps
Janss steps,
1939
Mom had never
once shared that incident. I guess she didn't want to
influence me in any way. She had a 10th grade
education and my dad, a third grade education. I am
sure that she and dad probably thought me going to UCLA was an
impossibility.
Perhaps when I was enrolled as a student at UCLA, she was afraid
to say something for fear of affecting what I,
as a four year old . . . had prophesized for my future. I
am glad I had finally gotten the answer of why I had felt the
strong sense of familiarity.
Even more important, now in my mid 80s, I have been able to see
more than that from that incident. I have come to realize,
there is a plan for each of us, a plan to live out,
and learn from. Viewing my life, I believe each of us has
a destiny to be discovered, and a past to be understood.
Since it was true in my life, it must be true for
everyone. Our Heavenly Father does have play
favorites. He has a task, a role, a part for each of us to
play in the history of mankind, to bring back into HIS presence
our brothers and sisters.
I returned to
my new, on campus, living arrangement on campus. My tasks
included cleaning the house and making dinner at night. My
employers were a very nice older couple. He was a retired
Navy officer. It was really an ideal situation. I
had my own room (a first time ever) and my own bathroom,
detached from the house. The lady taught me how to clean
well and how to cook foods that I had never cooked before, even
homemade bread, how to cook a 7 minute steak, and how to
properly set a table.
I got
involved with the Student Body Government. Everyone was
quite serious, with lots of paper work. All the student
activities, all the big events were planned out of that office.
It was very much like my student activities during high school.
I decided I needed to stay focused and remember I was
competing with the top 10% in my classes. I enjoyed the
student officers, their enthusiasm and dedication, but I
stopped volunteering.
I did join
the UCLA Swim Club for exercise and fun. They were
recruiting for their annual water ballet show.
I I had completed my lifeguard certificate when I
was in high school, so I thought I would fit in.
It so happened that my bathing suit was the exact bathing
suit model that had been used by the team, the previous
year. The leadership assumed I was experienced
and asked if I would like to choreograph one of the numbers.
I said yes, never having done it. Water
ballet was very popular in Hollywood at that time,
with Esther Williams and many island themed movies.
Learning all the strokes and moves which I had seen in the
movies at the same time choreographing a number was
creative play. I loved it. It was especially
pleasing when the campus newspaper article specifically
mentioned the number that I choreographed.
One of the
numbers that I was in, was performed on top of a
surfboard, held in place by one of the men. The surfboard
were much longer and wider. Surfing in California was just
starting to get popular in the early 1950s. California was
basically leading the way in the United States. Most
of the men in the UCLA Swim Club were beach lifeguards and/or
surfers.
You knew the surf was up, by the increasing numbers of students
with facial bandages and stitches. It was dangerous to swim at
the beach among surfers. They did not attach the boards to
their wrists or legs, and those huge boards, loose could
really do damage.
One of my
life regrets was that I did not travel with the swim club to
Europe that summer. It was an all
expense paid trip to tour throughout Europe and perform.
When the club president and organizer of the trip invited me,
all I could think of was I had to work at the fairs to save my
money for my tuition. I probably could have done both.
I did not even think of applying for another UCLA scholarship,
Going to Europe at that time would have been a real eye-opener
for me. One of many decisions which were probably not the best
choice.
Life
was good. My grades were good too,
except for my English class. It was actually a
remedial English class, dumbbell English, and I wasn't sure I
was going to pass it. Writing has always been a challenge
to me, which is why it strange to be editor of Somos
Primos, going on 30 years as I write this.
However, I
was lonely for family. I was in a very Anglo world.
There was not one Hispanic/Latino professor among the classes
that I was taking. My sister Tania was
attending the Wolf School of Design in Los
Angeles and living with mom. I made a decision
to commute and be with them.
As I look
back, it was probably another bad decision, It
resulted in limiting my on campus extracurricular activities.
It also limited simple socializing with classmates. The
commute required connecting with two buses. Mom was
living in a studio type apartment, with a Murphy bed and
sofa. We got along and I was happy, but the decision
greatly impacted maximizing the benefits, resources
and potentials of being on campus at UCLA.
Tania had been driving since high school, so we did attend
many of the on-campus events, plus got involved with the Masonic
Club. It was actually the Masonic club that got me
thinking about how much singing has always been fun part of my
life. At one of the
first social events that I attended at the Masonic Club, the
band was a student group of musicians.
They were playing all the currents popular songs, which I
knew. They had no
vocalist and
I started singing along with the numbers.
It reminded me of many high school
experiences, talent shows , musical reviews , community
productions, and even a brief opportunity of singing with a high
student band .
They invited me onstage and we had a great time.
At the end of the evening they invited me to sing with them.
They had some gigs lined up, and I agreed.
I had not traveled with a high school band because my boyfriend
was so opposed to it. Fortunately
or unfortunately, the first time I traveled with them, on the
way home, the police
stopped us, and actually seemed to be checking the car for
something. I was
really puzzled. Our
driver didn’t seem to wonder why we had been stopped.
After the police left, one of the musicians said to me,
“They do it all the time. “
“Why?” I asked.
He explained that their instruments can be seen, and the
police figured that they were on drugs, carrying drugs and
possibly high.
With all the
fun of singing with a band, I decided it was not worth the risk
to continue. What if
some time one of the musicians did have drugs on him, and I
ended up with some kind of a police record??
They were disappointed, but
one of them told me about
tryouts for a
student produced musical review, and really encouraged me to try
out.
 I attended the tryouts, but there
were hundreds of female soloists trying out.
UCLA has always and still does have an outstanding
theater, film and music department. Many Hollywood-bound
hopefuls were standing in lines, in the hallways, inside and
outside of Kerkhoff hall, circling, it seemed, around most
of the entire building.
I sang my number, Someone
to Watch Over Me, and left.
I could not even tell the pianist what key I sang in.
Feeling out of place and recognizing the really heavy
competition, I
didn’t even bother to check the call-back posting.
The posting was on the third floor of Royce Hall, why
bother . . . . just to be disappointed.
Besides I reasoned, I was in transition, from living on campus
to off-campus, and rehearsing would be difficult.
Months later,
after the production was over, a young man rushed across
the grass towards me, calling to me as he got closer . “Where
were you? We were
looking for you. We couldn’t figure out how to get a hold of
you.“ I didn’t recognize him at first, but I soon figured
out he was the director or the producer of the student show that
I had tried out for. He seemed genuinely disappointed that I had
not been part of the show.
There were no cell phones, and
I had not changed my address on the campus file. What might have
happened, f I had checked the call-back postings. The
student film and theater majors at UCLA became many of the
future Hollywood directors.
The following
year I was in my core Recreation Administration classes.
The gal that was putting together the Spring Sing program
had seen me at the Masonic club and asked if I would like to
participate. At first I said yes, then,
but when I thought of the commute, I
backed out. A
day or so later, I
asked if she got someone, she said yes,
a theater art major, by the name of Carol Burnett !!
One day on my
commute to UCLA, I was carrying on a conversation with a person
on my left, who was also waiting for bus. As a bus pulled up,
not mine, a gentlemen on my right, stood up, handed me his card
and said, "If you are interested in a job, call me."
His card showed he worked for a sound studio, where they
dubbed voices. I never did contact him, though I could
have used a job. Reflecting back on the possibilities, it
would have been fun.
About this
time my mother remarried. Her
husband, my stepdad, was into sound.
He had a growing business on
TV repairs, and was getting started in supplying
background music for stores, restaurants, hospitals, etc.
He had his own radio station, Better Music.
He was also involved with musicians throughout Los
Angeles. He
encouraged me with thoughts of a music career.
He paid for me to have private singing lessons.
Though I loved singing,
I did not see singing as a lifetime career, especially
because I wanted a family.
I share these incidences of how many times I closed doors,
turned down possible opportunities for a singing as a
profession. There are many roads we can travel, but
there is the straighter path, sometimes circumstances dictate
and sometimes we are guided by an inner voice which attempts to
influence us towards the reason we came to earth. What are
we to learn?
I really feel that there is a plan for each one of us, and it is
not necessarily based on our talents and strength, or our
interests, and desires. We
will use them, just as our heritage and physical appearance is
part of the plan. Even
our weaknesses are for our benefit, to help us realize and come
to the understanding that all that we have are gifts from our
maker.
I think I was
slowly being directed away from the areas of theater and
entertainment, as
a soloist performer, but not necessarily away from the
theater. These
thoughts and perspectives are not of those of a
20 year old, but rather the view of senior, a
great-grandmother, looking
back, viewing all the different roads that could have been
taken, and would have been the now of those roads.
The reason that I had majored in Recreation Administration, was
because I always wanted to work with children. I didn't
think in terms of being a classroom teacher. I wanted to help
children enjoy themselves, while learning and growing along the
way.
After my Bachelors , I decided to stay on and go for Masters
degree in Recreational Drama, where the emphasis was NOT
Production- based, but rather,
Process- based. I
know how I feel when I am engaged in creative pondering or
producing. What is
actually happening to the individual engaged in the activity?
My interest in music and theater remained, but the focus was how
to use it to help and improve my community. A special thesis
committee was set up, with a staff member from the PE Department
under which Recreation as a major was administered, and a staff
member from the Theater Department. I think it was the
first time ever. I took classes such as Creative Dramatics,
Children's Theater, Marionettes and Puppetry.
I was
fortunate to do an internship with a professional puppeteer,
Rena Riddick, Director of the Los Angeles Recreation
Department's Shatto Drama Center.
In the very early days of television, I was involved at
the Shatto Drama Center with some children's programs, produced
by us, with children that attended the Center.
The programs were aired on the television studio, and
station of the Los Angeles School District.
My interest
in music and theater remained, but with a focus on the benefits
of recreation in life. How do the arts,
or any form of play activities refresh, and re-create the soul.
I got very involved in graduate level research concerning the
atmosphere and conditions conducive to the development of
creativity, and the qualities of leadership, which stimulate
creativity. That
was 63 years ago and interest in the area of creativity,
intelligence and genius was just beginning to stir.
Most of the research available was in magazine articles,
not books.
It was in the
summer 1955 when I met my husband in the one graduate class
which included P.E. majors, Health and Recreation majors.
My husband Win Holtzman had just gotten out of the Army
and was totally new to California.
Brooklyn, New York was home for him.
He is of Russian Jewish heritage, a cultural group that I
was familiar with, since that was the composite of the Boyle
Heights area in Los Angeles. He was also first generation, which
made me feel comfortable.
We were married in December, and rented a small studio
unit in Venice.
I had numerous (7) job offers, one of which was a guarantee to
be given the directorship of the Shatto Drama Center, if I would
take a Playground Director position for a year. Director Rena
Riddick had one more year before her retirement.
I would eventually step into the position as director
over Cultural Arts Division for the entire Los Angeles
Recreation Department. That
meant I would be supervising the cultural activities and
programs over all the playgrounds.
It was quite an offer.
It was actually a dream offer, and I was prepared for it.
I was gathering data based on a national survey of the
cultural arts programs offered by City Recreation Departments
across the country.
However, being a
wife of the 50s, I instead went along with my husband's career.
Win was completing his California State Teacher's certificate
and his Masters in Physical Education.
He wanted to coach basketball.
He could not find a coaching/teaching position in Los
Angeles. While I was
preparing this chapter, my husband concluded that the smart
thing would have been for him to get any teaching job in Los
Angeles and let me take the career road that was being offered.
We finished out the year and UCLA and then he took a position in
northern California as their Basketball coach. Weaverville is a
little mountain town, in the middle of Trinity County.
Students are bused in and during the winter many students
make arrangements and live in town. It was a wonderful
experience.
In 1956, two inexperienced city kids moved to the mountains.
We still both had our thesis studies to complete, and a
year of adapting to a very different life.
It was an adventure.
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