Chapter 18:  Learning About Learning

Aury 

Tawn 

We bought our first house, a one bath/three bedrooms, single-story on a quiet street.  We lived there from 1961 to 1971. We were a half a block from the school, which was on a cul-de-sac.  Aury was four and Tawn 2 and a half.  The backyard was completely enclosed, with a few trees.  It was our playground.   The backyard was half grass, and the other half a cemented area.  We had a sand play area and a  climbing apparatus.    We got a large wooden playhouse which changed its identity, from castle to fort to barn. 

During the ten years that we lived in Manhattan Beach, we had 14 pets, besides Rana and a litter of her puppies.  I am only including one puppy in the count of  14 pets, one male, Bruno, which we kept.

My daughter and son helped me to remember incidents connected to each little characters.  I think we learned something from each.  

Indoors:  a small water turtle, two horned  toads, a Guinea pig (Butterscotch) whose cage sat on the dryer, plus an assortments of tropical fish which was Win's hobby, and an Iguana.   

Outdoors, Rana was joined in the backyard by a bunny, a desert turtle,  and a white rooster given to us by my sister, Tania.  He only lasted over-night.  The next morning as dawn was barely breaking, the rooster was on duty, crowing.   My sister had picked out big, healthy chicks to raise for eggs.  Unfortunately, she had a good eye for healthy, but they all turned out to be roosters and mean.  Tania  gave us one of the more gentle  roosters, who may have been low in the pecking order.  He probably never had a chance to greet the sun.   He was not to be deterred.  

White Rooster: 
At the crack of dawn, I was disturbed by the crowing of the rooster and some other sounds. I woke up, and rushed to the children's bedroom.  I was startled because I found Tawn's bed empty.  

Following the sounds, I looked in the backyard.  Tawn was wrapped in a blanket on a lounge chair, with the rooster in a box next to her. Every time the rooster started to crow, she would kick the box.  Tawn would kick, he would stop, and then start all over again, crowing loudly.  What Tawn was loudly yelling  to any neighbors who might have been awaken.  "We are getting rid of him today.   We are getting rid of him today."  And we did. Our over-night guest was responding to his DNA programming and crowing to fulfill his purpose, but unfortunately our neighborhood was not appropriate for his home.

Bantam and two Mallard ducks: 
We did get a chicken, Caesar, a Bantam Hen.  Although Caesar was a hen, son Aury must have been reading ancient history because he picked out the name. In addition, we got a  young pair of Mallard ducklings, and Aury named them Cleopatra and Mark Anthony.  

Since Rana slept inside, for our fowl's safely from neighbor's night-time carousing cats, we made use of  a wooden cabinet, someone's remodeling throwaway.  It had  two separate compartments, which became a two-apartment dwelling, one for Caesar, the other for Cleopatra and Mark Anthony.  

Win thought our ducklings  needed a pond.  Using the children's plastic pool which had served as a sandbox, he filled it with water.  The sound of the splashing water excited the ducklings. They could hardly wait to get in and paddled around, using their web feet with no instruction, obviously enjoying themselves.  Jumping on the rim of the pool, Caesar peered over the edge into the water and could not understand the duck's joy  . . . .  which strangely we all felt.   

Win decided to add to it.  He thought  fish swimming underneath them would complete the ambience.  I was convinced that the fish would be eaten by the ducks. Win felt the ducks were too little and the fish too big.
Mark Anthony and Cleopatra did not have to be taught, within a couple of hours all the fish had been eaten. 

All seemed well, soon they lost their fluffy, duckling appearance.  Mark Anthony was a handsome duck and Cleopatra the plain motley brown feathers of the Mallard female.  Cleopatra started laying eggs, green and large.  She was proud of them and made sure I saw them.  She also made sure that Caesar saw them.  I don't think Cleopatra understood that she had to sit on them, nor did she lay them in one place.   

Unfortunately, Mark Anthony did not survive his manhood.  We never knew what happened.  Rana never seemed aggressive.  There were no loose feathers, bites or indications of any confrontations, but one morning he was dead.

I started putting the girls to bed at night, in the same cabinet.  However, they had a different sleep pattern. "Going to bed with the chickens" was certainly true for Caesar.   Caesar like to go to sleep early, but Cleopatra like to go to sleep late, when it got dark.  Caesar would stand by the door squawking, reminding me and calling Cleopatra who would meander back slowly, and finally, reluctantly get into the cabinet.  

One morning when I opened the cabinet, Caesar hopped out, squawking, jumping in and out of the cabinet, indicated she wanted me look in.  I did and found a little brown egg.  She was so excited, she had laid an egg, just like Cleopatra.  

With both of them growing up, we decided to take Cleopatra to a park with ducks and a pond, where we had released two bunnies. I reasoned she would have an opportunity of  having a family.  The dominant duck off the pond quickly spotted her and pulled her into his harem.  She got in line and as the other females followed him.  She did not even glance back at us.  She seemed just fine and accepted her new life. 

However,  I did not realize the effect her  leaving would have on Caesar.  Caesar was hurt.  I felt bad that we had not thought of her feelings.  She was now alone.  There was an immediate change, Caesar started losing her feathers.  She was not eating much, and was obviously depressed.  

We all  learned how even the smallest brain has emotional needs, for love and companionship.   We took Caesar back to the pet store, hoping being around the other chickens would help.  Now 50 years later, I realize it would've been kinder to keep Caesar and let her sleep inside, at least she knew us. 

Georgie Girl

Another pet which taught me a life lesson was Georgie Girl, a little Squirrel Monkey. We got Georgie Girl, at a pet store.  She was newly arrived, very young and totally wild.  I knew it was important for us to be able to care for her, Georgie needed to be able to trust us.  For the first week,  when I put my hand in to feed her and clean out her cage, I wore gloves and touched her gently.  She would move my hand away.  I thought perhaps the roughness of the rubber was not pleasant to her. I decided to take the gloves off.  I stuck my hand in changing her water and her food, and stroked her back one of my fingers. She turned and bit me hard between my thumb and index finger.  I grabbed her neck firmly and squeezed.  The harder she bit, the harder I squeezed.  As she released, I released.  We went back and forth.  I was obviously bleeding.  She was aware of that.  Finally she stopped biting.  

It only took that one experience for us to come to an understanding.  She could bite, but I was stronger, and I would not hurt her, if she did not hurt me.  

We had two lofts inside for Georgia girl.  They were actually built in cabinets above the closet, with doors.   Georgie did not like being put in her loft at night.  She also did not like wearing diapers in the house.  

She was a little character.  She loved to climb the drapes in the family room and sunbathe inside the house by the sliding back door. She would totally flatten her body to get the maximum sun.  One time I actually thought she had been  squashed. 

Georgie turned out to be a little bit of a thief.  However, she was clever enough to re-cover the plate of cookies in the kitchen, as she helped herself to them. Only because we saw her in the act did we know she was doing it.    

During the day Georgie's favorite activity was hanging out in the backyard trees After a while I stop putting the leash on her, giving her freedom to explore, and explore, she did.  

She liked to climb on the roof of the playhouse and also the house, frequently looking through the windows to find me. I knew with her climbing skills, no dog or cat could catch her.  Sometimes Georgie and I would walk down to the school to greet the children, with Georgie on my shoulder and on a leash in case something frightened her.   

Her world expanded into the neighbors yards. She liked the rafters in our neighbor's garage.  Unfortunately, her droppings fell on their cars.    I knew we had to make a change.  She needed more room. She needed daytime companions.  

I located a a monkey rescue activist,  The lady lived in a ranch-style setting. She had large oversized cages, and already had many other Squirrel monkeys in her compound.

What was so strange was that Georgie Girl understood our thoughts and the concept of future.  We were driving home. Georgie was with us. She liked to sit on my lap and put her hands on the stirring wheel as I drove. Tawn and I were in the car, discussing the changes and why it was the best we could do for Georgie's future, just as we pulled in front of the house, Georgie went berserk.   She started screaming and jumping wildly all over the inside of the car, bouncing off the windows, doors.  I thought she was going to bite Tawn and yelled for her to get out of the car.  Then suddenly the tantrum and craziness stopped. Georgie calmed down.  

The rescue lady arrived at our house shortly after this incident.  When the lady came to get Georgie Girl, without any hesitation, Georgie jumped into the woman's arms. Georgie had accepted the change. I could see how surprised the lady was. She probably expected lots of separation drama, but I think Georgie Girl went with her because she understood, accepted and trusted  that I was making a decision for her happiness.  She would have more freedom and the companionship of other monkeys.  I was relieved.  Georgie did not look at me when they left.  She was probably a little hurt, but she went.

What I learned was the power and communication of thought, even between species.  And it further made the point of the importance of viewing from the other person's experience. I had not thought that I was a substitute mother for Georgie Girl.  I had not thought of her feelings of  being separated from essentially the family she knew, for a second time.  

I know this is an important lesson for me, because I dreamed of having a monkey in my kitchen years before we got Georgie.  To dream of a owning a monkey is improbable enough, but to have the monkey's living in a cage above the refrigerator is ridiculous.    But that is exactly what happened. 

It was as important as pre-dreaming the house in which we live now.  In the pre-dream I remember sitting down in a room with a low ceiling and yet looking out the window, I could see, I was in a tall two story house.  In both cases, the circumstances did not make sense.  

I know I was suppose to live here and have an experience with Georgie Girl.  I know I was suppose to learn how living creatures have thoughts and emotions.  We need to be aware and sensitive to that fact . .  and realize that relationships are the most important aspect of life.    

Spunky, a Toggenburg goat was the last pet to be a part of  the family.  Tawn recalls taking Spunky with her for Halloween Trick or Treat.   Everyone was so generous and Spunky ate so much that he slept through most of the the next morning.  Tawn said, "I was beginning to think he was dead."  

The children also shared a horse with their cousins Vivica and Greg.  Little Lady, a gift from Grandma Aurora for her four grandchildren was kept at their home in the San Fernando valley.  For a while a black Crow adopted us.  He used the roof of the playhouse as his food storage location.  

I finished learning the importance of relationships from Bruno, Rana's puppy.  Bruno, was a pure-bred German Shepherd. His father was a trained military German Shepherd dog, owned by a retired Army trainer. We only allowed Rana to have one litter.  She did have enough milk and we had to feed the puppies with plastic doll bottles, almost round the clock.   We did a good job however, they were all beautiful.  Bruno was the pick of the litter, all male!!  Win took the responsibility of training him, but as Bruno grew, the yard was too small for him too.   I kept warning Win.

Bruno had no responsibility, and he was now a full-grown work dog, with no real work to do.  Bruno was doing his duty when a teenager visiting our neighbors sat on the wooden fence between our houses and Bruno jumped up and bit his bottom.  Fortunately the young man had a wallet in that pocket, which was ripped off, so he suffered no physical harm.  

I told Win that we need to build a high cement block fence.  Bruno was just too protective of the house. Unfortunately, we had another incident before the fence was built.  One day our neighbor's teenage daughter was visiting.  She had entered by the front door, but she decided instead to exit from the back door, and jump over  the fence.   Bruno caught her leg as she was jumping over the fence and the bite required stitches.   Finally the men agreed and a fence was built. 

One day, I went into the backyard and yelled at Bruno about something destructive that he had done.  I don't remember if it was picking on Old-Timer, our desert  turtle.  Usually Old-Timer would just retreat completely into his shell if Bruno tried to nibble at his extended feet.  But one morning Bruno had Old-Timer between his paws and was munching on the shell.   I yelled at him to stop. He did.

But, all of a sudden, Bruno looked at me, and I could tell, he was thinking, "I don't have to take that disrespect from her. I can take her. "  

Fortunately, Rana, also read his mind.   Like a bullet, she came running and positioned herself between us. She started  jumping in the air in front of Bruno, blocking him.  He did not pay any attention to Rana, his mom.  He just kept looking at me.  I backed up slowly, not losing eye contact with Bruno.  Rana kept jumping up and down, vertically in front of Bruno. 

Backing up slowly, stretching tall, I did not turn my back on him. Moving slowly, I both opened and closed the sliding door. I made it into the house and breathed a sigh of relief.   It was clear Bruno was ready to attack me. I knew it, and Rana knew it.  Mama Rana had saved me. 

I had not developed any relationship with Bruno.  He was Win's dog. He respected Win's strength.  Win feed him.  Maybe Bruno thought I was going to take his food??

When Win came home, I told him what had happened and told him that Bruno was too much dog for us.  He had to go.  Neither the children nor I went into the backyard.  Within a week Bruno was accepted by the Kern County Sheriff's Canine Department in Bakersfield.   

Bruno was ready to "strut his stuff".  As we walked pass the dogs in their  kennels, Bruno did not even bother to look at the other dogs.  His head was high and his powerful body was ready for anything.   I am sure that he served beautifully. He was quite an animal. If  Bruno did not die in the process of serving heroically, he surely died fulfilling his purpose.   

Starting Elementary School 

The kids and I were excited about school starting, but in a sense, the children were ready, but I wasn't prepared.  I didn't know what was expected of a child entering kindergarten.  I didn't know I should have been teaching Aury letter and number recognition,  colors, and how to recognize his name. 

We were a half block from Ladera Elementary school.  On his first day of school, Aury insisted on taking   his favorite book.  I didn't know why.   I found out why when he came home with a frown.  What happened?  I asked.  Throwing the book on the coffee table, he answered sullenly, "I didn't learn to read!"   

I could have been helping him, but my attitude was based on another UCLA education class that I sat in on. The lecture was the dangers of  teaching children too early, forcing children to learn and all the dire psychological damage possible, reinforced by a series of dramatic case studies.  His point was "Just because you are among the top 10% who made it into UCLA, the probability is that your kids will not have have the same level of intelligence, so don't even expect it."  

It  really is too bad because it turned out that Aury was dealing with a severe case of dyslexia.  If I had been attempting to help at home, perhaps he would not have experienced the psychological pain in overcoming the neurological challenge, which was not then (and even now) not recognized by many "professionals".

His kindergarten teacher was a kind, gentle lady.  She was surprised, that I was surprised, when she commented at our first parent-teacher meeting that he didn't know his letters.  " I thought that's what they were suppose to learn in kindergarten, "  I answered.   I loved to read to them, especially in bed together, so it was not for lack of books around the house.  Not like in my house growing up.  We borrowed books from the public library, but the first book that I ever owned, I bought in high school.  It is still on my shelf, prefixes and suffixes in Greek and Latin.   

Unfortunately, his first grade teacher was harsh, yelled at all the kids, and belittle Aury because he was having difficulties with reading.  She was frequently out and substitutes took over the class.  I spoke to the principal to put Aury in another classroom, with less drama and stress.  Unfortunately, my request was a  bit late.  Over half of the children had already been moved into another classroom.  Many days I would visit the classroom and just observe.  I should have offered to help.  

I also could have enrolled him in Hawthorne Christian where Tawn was attending.  When Aury started school Tawn insisted that she too should go to school.  She was little more than three years old, but the principal looking at her size, (the doctor called her a super baby) and told the registrar to enroll her.  She was very happy to put on her uniform, get on the school bus, and carry her lunch.  One brave, little girl.  

When Tawn was old enough for public school, she did know her letters and numbers, colors and  recognize her name.  When I enrolled her, I told the Ladera school secretary that Tawn had been in kindergarten, but they said she had to be in their kindergarten until she could be properly evaluated by them.  A month later she was placed in first grade and Aury was entering second grade. 

It was nice to have the kids in the same school, and see them walk down the hill together.  Aury was still having problems, not with the subject matter, not with science concepts, not with math, but the reading.  The odd thing he could read something easily one day, and maybe next day now to be able to read it.  I was very perplexed.  I asked a friend of mine, a school psychologist with another district if she would evaluate Aury.  She been around the two of them and offered to test both of them.  

Her conclusion, Tawn was the typical high IQ, bright child, motivated to succeed and would do very well in school.  Aury also had a very high IQ, but as she explained, his thoughts processes were very unusual and abstract and most people would never quite understand his intelligence.    

With the kids in school, I enrolled as a dance major at UCLA.  
One of the classes I took was basic kinesiology.  One lecture was was a discussion about perception, dyslexia,  that made me think that maybe a physical problem was related to Aury's reading problem.  I asked Dr. Hunt if she would look at Aury, which she did. She said he had outstanding strength and coordination, but did seem to have some anger. Hum . . ??  

It was finally (after 1st, 2nd, 3rd grade parent-conferences) in the fourth grade that I spoke again to his teacher suggesting that there was something wrong. I told her I had been doing some research and suggested possibly he was dealing with dyslexia.  She flipped over a card that she had prepared for our parent-teacher conversation, which read big and bold dyslexia?. 

It so happened that the Manhattan Beach school district had just started a new and special program for learning disabilities.  It was a very new field of educational research.  The district had a waiting list of about 90 students, and the principal, who had refused to have him tested, said tersely,  Aury would have to wait his turn, and not to expect anything in this school year.

However, the district tested Aury on a Friday and called me Monday morning to take him to his new school, that very morning.   Aury was moved to the front of their waiting list and  the school psychologist could not apologize enough.  He said they should have caught it sooner.  

The problem he said for them not finding it earlier was that Aury was not a behavioral problem. " He wasn't starting fights, throwing over tables, or in general making trouble in the classroom or playground."  Nine out of ten students with dyslexia are boys, they are frustrated, disruptive, and angry. (What Dr. Hunt had suggested was a problem.)  What I saw was a little boy regressing more and more into himself. He would come home, and rock in a rocking chair with a book on his lap, depleted by a day in the classroom. 

I was so grateful to know that he would now get help.  When I visited his class and evaluated the children as a group, they seemed angelic, other earthly, not time aware, nor space aware.  Research on dyslexia was new and very challenging knowing, that each brain is different, wired differently.  

I asked Aury, what does it look like when you look at a book.  He said, "It is like alphabet soup, all the letters  moving around."  I thought, oh my gosh, we learn to identify letter in one position, he has to identify each letter in in any of about eight different positions.  That means a word like THE, would have to be recognized with at least 24 different  possibilities.  

He eventually learned but it explained to me how Aury in the 4th grade could put a book on the coffee table and walk around it while reading, not miss a world.  It also also, explained why when I slid the Sunday comics over to him, he wouldn't bother to turn them right side up. He would read them in whatever position he received them. 

Aury struggled, but his grades got him into the University of California, Irvine, as pre-med, directly from high school.  I remember when I went to the first meeting for the parents of children in the Educationally Handicapped program in Manhattan, that the specialist Dr. Zike announced to the parents.  Ninety percent of your children will never even get through high school. I thought to myself . . . Well mine will!   Even when he was in the special program, he was pulled out and attended regular classes during their science units.   One of the mother of a regular student, told me her son, called Aury, "the smart one".  Not only did Aury get through high school, he went all the way through to fulfill his purpose.*  

Tawn as my friend, Eloise Shields had said, got good grades throughout.  I remember her calling from the University of Irvine, crying because she had gotten a B.  The first time in all her schooling. 

Tawn too had visual problems to overcome.  Sadly, I had not seen it.  I remember when Tawn was in the 5th grade, the ophthalmologist said, "Mom, sit here.  I want you to see how your daughter sees the world."  

I could not even see the big E clearly. It looked like three vertical lines.  I couldn't believe it.   I just started crying and crying.  

I could not believe all the dangers Tawn had been in, because I had not seen her limitations. How could I not see she had a visual problem.  I thought of her getting on to the Hawthorne Christian school bus, not able to see the Big E.  Going to the park or the beach, not being able to see the Big E.  She did so well in everything she did,  but how?   She could only see the world a few yards in front of her.  

It was only because her 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Steele recommended that she have her eyes checked.  Tawn was doing fine with her reading.  Being severely near-sighted was not a problem with school work.  However, her teacher explained that she had to seat Tawn in the front row, because she was having problems reading the blackboard.  Her teacher also suggested that we get her ears checked.  

It turned out that Tawn's eyes were so bad  20 x 400, she was considered legally blind without glasses.  And she did have a hearing problem.  Gratefully, temporary tubes were put into to ears which restored her hearing back to normal, and she did get glasses.  

The teacher was very kind.  On the first day Tawn would be attending class with her new glasses, the teacher instead of wearing her usual contacts, wore glasses  to make Tawn feel more comfortable.  

I look back and wonder why I didn't see there was a real problem.  I do remember Tawn used to get real close to me and look into my face, and her eyes were frequently blood-shot .  I remember too that she started talking a little bit loud.  However, I did not put all the pieces together.  

Thank goodness for a teacher that cared enough to contact me, and for Tawn's indomitable spirit to learn.  In spite of the visual fog she was living in, she never gave up.  Now that I need reading glasses, I better appreciate the challenges and dangers which she faced daily.  Me needing glasses to read is just an inconvenience.  Not seeing your surrounding world must have seemed a strange, scary place. From 20-20 vision,  I grew into a need  for glasses to see close.  I grew into the situation.  But Tawn was thrust into it as a child. That fuzz and distortion was the world she saw.  I remember when she was first learning to walk.  I noticed that she had trouble going through doors.  I thought it cute and a question of balance.  It turned out it was a question of sight.   Gratefully she survived it.  

Something I found out recently from Aury; he is color-blind. I happened to overhear him ask his wife if a shirt was okay with a pair of  pants. A little puzzled I asked him, why he couldn't find a match himself. 

"Mom, I'm colored blind."  
"What?"  
"Mom, I can't tell the difference between blue and green."  
"Since when?"  
"Since always."

When Tawn and I go shopping we can enjoying matching shoe and dresses, skirts and blouse.  I can enjoy her new cushions for the sofa.  But with Aury, his world is a different world, missing the contrast of the blue sky, ocean, green grass and trees.  He really sees a world through a different palette and I did not know.   

What I've learned about learning is that every living creature see the world with a very unique and personal view, emotionally and physically.  

Learning, Learning, Learning and Dreams of Learning More.
El Segundo, Space System Division Open House.  Win was a Systems Analyst